joke time

Ang mga Bisaya di ko maintindihan English nila.
English ng isda... pis.
English ng mukha... pis.
Ng pandikit... pis.
Ng kapayapaan.. . pis.
Tinanong pa ako kung saan ako nakatira... Pis 1 o Pis 2?
Pisti!


(in a cabinet meeting ...)
GMA: oshige ... kung shino man ang tamaan ng bola na
'to ay siyang magre-reshign
(initsa ang bola, tumalbog pabalik sa kanya ...)
GMA: o ... praktish lang un noh? ulet!


Director: "Sir, we have to do something with our
population program. A woman gives birth every 30
seconds here in the Philippines . ..
Erap: "Ha?, you're right...FIND THAT WOMAN!!!"


Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang
syota? wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!


Mom: baby, you're good in math. Now I'm going to ask you
a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4
apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!!


BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema MO lang, problema NATIN
dahil nagmamahalan tayo.ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis NATIN si inday at TAYO ang ama


Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants
ng Ms. Universe
Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?
Pare2: pare, ako nanalo!!!


Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po
naniniwala ba?
Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang!


Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko
basag ang bungo!


Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH! !!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25
years po kasi ako driver ng funenaria


1 panget na babe, hinoholdap
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...


1 lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang
aso
Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!
Lasing: huwag ka nga sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!


In a pet shop...
Customer talking to a parrot...
Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!
Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? GAGO!!!


Priest: ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng
langit
Mga bakla: okey lang po father..dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag slide-slide! !!

Untold Story No. 4

At a tender age of 17, Marcial was a war correspondent for The Manila Times.. Marcial's war experience provided him with a treasure chest of stories which inspired him to write a movie screenplay. His screenplay was made into a movie, starring Jaime de la Rosa and a 16- year old actress named Dorothy.. Helmed by renowned director Lamberto Avellana, the movie was a huge success. During the first FAMAS award ceremony in 1952, Dorothy received the first FAMAS trophy for best supporting actress for her role in the movie.

The only child of a US soldier and a Filipina, Dorothy was also a
semi-finalist in the 1952 Miss Philippines beauty contest. It was
therefore not surprising that Marcial got so enamored with Dorothy that he did everything to court her. Marcial even carried Dorothy's make-up kit during movie shootings. Marcial became Dorothy's dakilang alalay.

Dorothy studied pre-Law at the University of Santo Tomas but her booming movie career made it impossible for her to continue.

Likewise, Marcial took up Law at the University of the Philippines
but the lure of journalism ended his dream of becoming a lawyer.

Marcial became known for his gift of gab and political skill. This
led to his victory as a town mayor at a young age of 22. Meanwhile, Dorothy became popular for her acting prowess and dancing skill. This led to her victory in several acting derbies. Marcial's younger sister was the director of the movie which won for Dorothy her last FAMAS best supporting actress award.

But while Philippine politics and show business naturally intertwine, political kingpin Marcial and movie queen Dorothy were not destined to be together.

Dorothy married a man named Victorino who fathered her only daughter.

But their union did not last. After a series of unsuccessful
relationships, Dorothy finally tied the knot again with an American B-movie actor-singer. In contrast, Marcial remained faithfully married all his life to an American-educated woman who bore his only son and four daughters.

But while Marcial survived the Korean War which he covered, he did not survive the war on the home front. Likewise, Dorothy did not survive her own war at home.

Both Marcial and Dorothy suffered violent deaths. Marcial was shot.

Dorothy was stabbed several times.

Committed 18 years apart, the separate murders of Marcial and Dorothy made headlines several years ago. However, both murders remained unsolved to this day. Some say that identifying their killers is not the issue because everyone, except the authorities, seems to know the identity of their respective killers. Rumors even abound that the masterminds in the murders of Marcial and Dorothy were related to them by affinity. But the real mystery lies in the fact that the perpetrators of these high-profile crimes remain scot-free to this day, despite the enormous clout which the victims' respective family wields.

Some say that Marcial's death was a result of his being branded a communist by the government. This is ironic because the screenplay which Marcial wrote and which won for Dorothy her first FAMAS trophy was the second in a trilogy of anti-communist movies which were produced by LVN Pictures in support of the government's efforts to fight communism.

Dorothy's shocking death led to embarrassing revelations about her painful personal battle. Marcial's equally shocking death led to well-deserved recognition of his heroic political battle.

Dorothy was killed amid rows of cars in the covered and dark parking lot of the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board(MTRCB) building. Despite his escorts, Marcial was killed amid rows of airplanes in a wide open space in broad daylight while descending down the tarmac of what was then known as the Manila International Airport (MIA).

Of course, we all know Dorothy as Dolphy's TV wife, Marsha.

And we all know Marcial as Cory's real-life husband, Ninoy.

Yes, Dorothy Jones was the real name of Nida Blanca.

And yes, Marcial Bonifacio was the fictitious name on the passport of Benigno Aquino, Jr. on the day that he was murdered.

And you know the rest of their stories.

*Untold Pinoy Story No. 3*

Her Mother's Joy

Her mother has always been proud of her. Mighty proud. And rightly so.

In the spring of 1991, Julia Roberts graced the cover of People
Magazine's special issue featuring its annual list of The 50 Most
Beautiful People in the World. Together with Julia Roberts in this
ultimate list of the most beautiful people were Brad Pitt, Tom
Cruise, Madonna, Mel Gibson, Whitney Houston, Michelle Pfeiffer,
Isabella Rossellini, supermodels Claudia Schiffer & Naomi Campbell
and oops, a Filipina?

Yes, People Magazine's 1991 list of The 50 Most Beautiful People in the World included a true-blooded Filipina who was born, raised and educated in the Philippines.

Unlike most beautiful Filipinas who were the products of mixed
marriages and who have therefore acquired foreign physical features, this Filipina was born to a Filipina mother and a Filipino father. It is no wonder that she does not typify a beautiful woman by any standard: She is short, standing only 5'2". She has a huge and deep acne scar on her forehead.. She has that distinct Asian nose (read: flat). She uses only Avon cosmetics (gasp!) and applies makeup by herself. During her pre-Inno Sotto days, her clothes were not made by known couturiers: They were lovingly
sewn at home by her mother who is a dressmaker. She does not even have the right genes to inherit beauty from: Her mother was plain, even stern-looking. Her father was a dark-skinned guy with the tough facial features of a hardened military man.

Although both the first names of her mother and father means happy in two different languages, their union was not as joyous. Her mother and father were never married, making her and her only brother illegitimate children.

In the mistress hierarchy, her mother was not even her father's
second woman. Her father had a first mistress who ranked above her mother.

She and her brother only belong to their father's third family. And yes, the gay club performer who once appeared on national television was indeed her half-brother. She couldn't therefore be faulted for not talking about her father. In contrast, too much has been known about her mother. Her mother was always visible, too visible for comfort.

Her mother gave her the name Carmen and raised her in a province north of Manila. However, when it was time for her to go to school, her overprotective mother brought her and her brother to Manila to give them the best education. Carmen studied in Preciosa Soliven's Operation Brotherhood Montessori in Greenhills where she emerged as the school's valedictorian. However, Carmen's academic rival protested the school's decision to award Carmen the school's highest honors, claiming that she had better grades than Carmen. Carmen's rival even revealed that the school's owner, Mrs. Soliven, was only fond of Carmen because she always performed in school programs which gave Carmen an edge in extra-curricular activities. But academically, Carmen reportedly did not really rise above her rival.

Lured into show business, Carmen became part of German Moreno's inane daily afternoon TV show, That's Entertainment, where she got paired with comedian and now Quezon City Vice Mayor Herbert "Bistek" Bautista. (Some say that Vice Mayor Bautista was so enamored with Carmen that he later refused to marry his partner despite their having a child.) As one of the countless stars of Kuya Germ's That's Entertainment, Carmen's talent was overshadowed by the ridiculous mass appeal of the triumvirate of Sheryl Cruz, Manilyn Reynes and Tina Paner.

Later, Carmen made a couple of forgettable films which were big flops. Unsuccessful in local show business, Carmen enrolled as a BS Biology student in Ateneo de Manila, hoping to become a doctor. However, the lure of fame and fortune shattered her medical ambition. She followed her other dream and landed in a |Dreamland! Yes, instead of comforting innocent and fresh-smelling babies in a hospital, she ended up entertaining horny, sweaty and foul-smelling drunken men in seedy bars.

When Carmen was a little girl, a local manghuhula predicted that she would be crowned Miss Universe. Her mother, legally known as Miss Imutan, was ecstatic upon hearing this. Sadly, the prophecy did not come true.

However, when Carmen was 18 years old, she bagged a beauty title. But it was farfetched from a Miss Universe crown. Carmen became Miss Saigon.

Yes, the only true-blooded Filipina who was included in People
Magazine's The 50 Most Beautiful People in the World in 1991 is
Feliciano Salonga and Ligaya "Joy" Imutan's only daughter: Carmen Lea Imutan Salonga.

Most of us know her simply as Lea Salonga.

*Untold Pinoy Story No.2*

It Could Happen Only in the Movies

These two women move in different circles but they seem to lead
parallel lives.

Barbara C. Gonzales is the great-granddaughter of national hero, Dr. Jose Rizal. Her great-grandmother is Dr. Jose Rizal's elder sister, Maria, a liberated woman who was separated from her husband Daniel. Barbara is more popularly known by her nickname, Tweetums. She once appeared in a Del Monte tomato sauce TV commercial featuring three generations of women in the kitchen.. Yes, that was Tweetums with her daughter, Panjee, and Tweetum's mother whom they fondly called Mamu. Tweetums
was married to Ramon Tapales, a successful businessman.
Their daughter, Panjee Tapales ( a.k.a. singer Panjee Gonzales), was co-host of ABS-CBN's daily morning show, Alas Singko Y Media (now Magandang Umaga Pilipinas) and its defunct Sunday morning game show with Roderick Paulate and Eric Quizon. Panjee soon became the second wife of ABS-CBN chairman, Gabby Lopez. (But that's another story.) Tweetums writes about art and culture in her column for the Philippine Star.

She has published a couple of books consisting of collections of her essays from her newspaper column. She remains a highly-respected media personality, being the president of a major advertising company.

Socorro Alicia R. Quirino is the granddaughter of former president
Elpidio Quirino. More popularly known by her nickname, Cory, she
hosts a lifestyle show on TV. Her kidnapping ordeal a few years ago was made into a movie entitled, The Cory Quirino Kidnap, which was directed by massacre king Carlo J. Caparas. Cory was married to Roman Cruz, Jr. who was the president of Philippine Airlines and head of Government Service Insurance System (GSIS). Cory writes a regular column on fitness and health for the Philippine Daily Inquirer. She also published a series of health, beauty and inspirational books. She remains a highly visible media personality with her radio and TV programs.

While Tweetums and Cory were both successful in their respective careers, their personal lives were not as rosy. Tweetums Gonzales and her husband, Ramon Tapales, eventually decided to lead separate lives. Likewise, Cory Quirino and her husband, Roman Cruz, Jr., soon parted ways.

Indeed, Tweetums and Cory seem to lead parallel lives.

Then, in a strange twist of fate, the unthinkable happened. . While geometry teaches us that parallel lines can never intersect, the parallel lives of Tweetums and Cory did intersect.

Tweetums Gonzales got married to Cory's former husband, Roman Cruz, Jr. Meanwhile, Cory Quirino got married to Tweetum's former husband, Ramon Tapales..

Just like in the movies.

And you know the rest of their story.

*Untold Pinoy Story No. 1*

Beyond Sibling Rivalry

If your siblings are married to huge celebrities and you've just lost your chance of marrying one, would you still strive to surpass their feat? But how could you beat being married to an award-winning actress whose mother is a beautiful actress and whose father is the original Agent X-44 of Philipine movies?

Or being the wife of Mr. Pure Energy?

Or being Mr. Megastar?

Now, aren't you glad that you're not among the Pangilinan siblings?

Former Penthouse Live co-host and newspaper columnist Anthony Pangilinan married Maricel Laxa, an excellent actress who is the
lovechild of circa 60s actress Imelda Ilanan and action star Tony
Ferrer. She is also the half-sister of 1990 Miss Asia runner-up Mutya Crisostomo Laxa.

Anthony's brother, Senator Francis Pangilinan, was a campus figure in UP Diliman. He was the chairman of the UP Student Council in 1986. He married no less than the megastar, Sharon Cuneta.

Their sister, Angeli Pangilinan, was a campus beauty and brain while she was a student at the UP School of Economics in Diliman. Angeli married Mr. Pure Energy himself, Gary Valenciano.

REWIND: In the early 80s, teenager Edgardo Jose Maria Santiago Valenciano or Gary V. to most of us, fell deeply in love with a teenage girl who eventually became his girlfriend. Gary's true love, they said. And they really looked perfect together. Their friends said that they were truly meant for each other. They were the picture of pure bliss. But not for long.

Few weeks before Gary's first major concert in 1984, a female singer became pregnant. And Gary was the alleged father. Gary did not deny it. At 19, Gary joined the growing list of unwed teenage fathers.

Gary's former girlfriend was shocked upon hearing about Gary's
indiscretion. She felt betrayed by Gary and the female singer. Gary's former girlfriend was devastated.

The pregnant singer who bore Gary's child was a former Camay girl who joined the ultra exclusive league of several generations of Camay beauties from the first Camay girl Paquita Roces to her two daughters, Maritess Revilla (Ang lahat ay napapalingon, at muling
napapalingon) and Rosie Revilla to actress Rosa Rosal's daughter Toni Rose Gayda (Kutis porcelana) to concert pianist Ingrid Sala Santamaria's daughter Crispy Santamaria to a few others. The female singer indeed looked devastatingly beautiful in her memorable Camay TV commercial. But there was a teeny weeny objection among his friends: She was too old for the teenage and vibrant Gary whose popularity was just beginning to zoom up.

Everybody knows that the female singer who became pregnant with Gary's child was Maria Anna Elizabeth Nepomuceno Pangilinan. In 1985, Gary exchanged vows with the female singer who is more popularly known by her nickname: Angeli. Angeli retired from her singing group, Music and Magic. Angeli
sacrificed her flourishing singing career and left behind her fellow
Music and Magic members led by jeepney driver's daughter-turned- nurse- turned-singer Kuh Ledesma, tenor singer-turned- Music and Magic co-founder-turned- musical director Jet Montelibano and singer-turned- comedian- turned TNT-turned- bogus political asylum seeker-turned- Michael Garfinkel
endorser Fe de los Reyes.

Angeli decided to become a full-time wife to Gary, baby Paolo's Mom and Gary's talent manager.

Meanwhile, the pain of losing Gary has left Gary's former girlfriend
in deep shock. Gary and his new bride tried to comfort her but Gary's former girlfriend was inconsolable.

PLAY: Gary Valenciano's most inspired and most popular composition was first heard as the theme song of a Vilma Santos movie before it became the title of an Aga Muhlach-Lea Salonga flick and later, the title of a Kim Chiu-Gerald Anderson TV soap opera. The haunting melody and melancholy lyrics of this beautiful song make one wonder where Gary drew the passion and longing for lost love which every line of this song clearly evokes.

Listen:

Sana maulit muli

Ang mga oras nating nakaraan

Bakit nagkaganito

Naglaho na ba ang pag-ibig mo?

Sana'y maulit muli

Sana bigyan pansin ang himig ko

Kahapon, bukas, ngayon

Tanging wala ng ibang mahal

Kung kaya kong iwanan ka

'Di na sana aasa pa

Kung kaya kong umiwas na

'Di na sana lalapit pa

Kung kaya ko sana

Ibalik ang kahapon

Sandaling 'di mapapantayan

Huwag sana nating itapon

Pagmamahal na tapat

Kung ako'y nagkamali minsan

'Di na ba mapagbibigyan

O giliw, dinggin mo ang nais ko, oooh...

Kung kaya kong iwanan ka

'Di na sana aasa pa

Kung kaya kong umiwas na

'Di na sana lalapit pa

Kung kaya ko sana

Ito ang tanging nais ko

Ang ating kahapon sana maulit muli

Kung kaya kong iwanan ka

'Di na sana aasa pa

Mahal pa rin kita

O giliw, o giliw ko, oooh...

This song was originally written by Gary in English. Ironically, the
one who translated it to Tagalog was Gary's wife, Angeli.

FAST FORWARD: Now, Gary has three grown-up children with Angeli. On the other hand, Gary's former girlfriend is now known as Mrs. Buizon. She occasionally hosts a show on TV.

The pain has eased. Somehow. Even if the former lovers get to see each other regularly. They meet at her Mom's house during important occasions:

Christmas. New Year. Birthday of Mrs. Buizon's mother. Mrs. Buizon's birthday. Gary's birthday. Holidays. Easter Sunday. Every Sunday, in fact Gary's equally famous in-laws were witnesses to the former lovers' meetings. But they do not mind at all.

Gary's wife, Angeli, does not make a fuss over it.

Even the family matriarch, retired public school teacher Mommy Emma, is not bothered by it.

But the truth is, they could not prevent the former lovers from
seeing each other.

Because Gary's former girlfriend has to join her mother, siblings and in-laws during important family occasions.

And because Gary's former girlfriend was Felichi Buizon.

And because before she got married, Gary's former girlfriend was
known as Felichi Pangilinan.

And yes, because Felichi Pangilinan-Buizon is the younger sister of Angeli Pangilinan-Valencia no.

And none of us would probably ever know the rest of this intriguing triangle's story.

Joke of the day

'dear te, dear te, dear te!!!'
-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at
Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang
naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.
=========
<>MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and
ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you're pretty
ugly.
= ========
TEACHER: okay class our lesson for
today is science. What is science?
PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!
TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?
PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.
=========<>AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no
circumstance this house would relent to
such unabashed display of vagrant
destituti on!
PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a
mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED !!! .hehehe
=========
BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am.
Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili
mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso
macchiat o sa starbucks!
====== ===
DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.
==========
TRIVIA: do you know how they make
rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted
latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?
======== ==
Why God invented menopause:
Once upon a time, a 70 year old woman
gave birth.
BISITA: pwedeng makita ang baby mo?
MOM: mamaya na.
30 minutes after.
BISITA: pwede na bang makita?
MOM: oo, pero hintay muna tayo na
umiyak kasi nakalimutan ko kung saan ko
linagay.
== =========
in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy
today even though we are under economic
crisis?<>BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!
===========
Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PA RI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY : father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: 'tang ina! Di nga?
===========<>TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa
chicken.
BO Y: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!
===========<>when your lips are silent and your eyes are closed and your ears are deaf. It only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep. Disabled ka 'tol, disabled!
======= ====
The Philippine presidents flying in a
plane.
GMA: what if I throw a check for a
million pesos out the window to make at
least 1 Filipino happy?
CORY: but my dear, why don't you throw
2 checks for half a million each and
thus make 2 Filipinos happy?
RAMOS: why not throw four checks for a
quarter of a million each and make four
Filipinos happy?
And on it went until finally, Erap
blurts out:
"but madam president, why not simply
throw yourself out of the window and
make all the Filipinos happy?"
========= ===
a great example of globalization:
pr incess Diana, a Welsh princess with
an Egyptian fiancé, crashed in a French
tunnel while riding in a German car
with a Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was drunk on Scottish
whisky, chased by Italian paparazzis on
Japanese big bikes. An American doctor
tried to save them using Brazilian
meds. This message was made by a
Filipino on a Finnish Nokia phone
smuggled from China by a Pakistani
based in Quiapo.
========= ===
1. Trulalu.
2. eklavu
3. eklavu.
4. trulalu
5. eklavu
6. trulalu
7. trulalu.
8. eklavu
9. trulalu
10. trulalu
-batang bading nagsasagot ng true or
false na quiz.
=========== = =
MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno
ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang
inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!
============ =

The guy's RUles...

The Guys' Rules

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

1. Anyth ing we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can

to give them a bigger laugh

Men wear skirts

Scotland is a place in UK where men wear skirts. Still, the big question keeps on flashing in my mind why are they wearing a woman's attire which somehow degrade their status, specially when they're serving as guards for the royalties and ..... oh yes, the Queen !!

But now we know. Here are some reasons why.
Skirts are simply cool & refreshing!!!

dNeero: another source of extra income

I joined this site in order for me to earn an extra income on dNeero: True Social Network Currency. So why don't you try out guys.. LOL its easy and fun.







if your bored and got nothing else to do, just join the site and earn on taking surveys. BOWWWW

Low-pressure area off E Visayas to dissipate - Pagasa

News News News

05/21/2008 | 08:15 AM
copy and paste from GMANEWS.tv

MANILA, Philippines - A low-pressure area (LPA) was spotted off Eastern Visayas early
Wednesday, but state weather forecasters said it is not likely to develop into a tropical cyclone like "Cosme" or "Dindo."

Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration (Pagasa) forecaster Nonoy About said Wednesday the LPA is likely to dissipate instead of strengthen.

"Magdi-dissipate din ito. Wala tayong nakikitang prognosis magiging tropical cyclone ito (It will likely dissipate. We do not see any prognosis indicating it will develop into a tropical cyclone)," About said in an interview on dzBB radio.

He said the next cyclone will be code-named "Enteng." He noted an average of some 20 cyclones hit the country every year.

Pagasa's 5 a.m. advisory said that as of 2 a.m., the LPA was estimated at 910 kilometers east of Southern Visayas, embedded along the intertropical convergence zone affecting Visayas and Mindanao.

"Visayas and Mindanao will experience mostly cloudy skies with scattered rainshowers and thunderstorms becoming frequent rains over Northeastern Mindanao," it said.

The rest of the country will be partly cloudy to at times cloudy with isolated rainshowers or thunderstorms mostly in the afternoon or evening.

Light to moderate winds blowing from the east and southeast will prevail over Luzon and Visayas and coming from the southwest and southeast over Mindanao.

Coastal waters throughout the entire archipelago will be slight to moderate except during thunderstorms. - GMANews.TV

Rain Rain Go away!

It's been raining like hell lately due to LOW PRESSURE AREA that they call. Flooding everywhere around our place really sucks and watching those garbages swimming togethere with dog's sh**. Arrghhh i hate raining.

I have to wait for the rain to stop before i can go to school. I could still remember way back, when i used to sing a nursery song about "rain rain go away" and the rain really stops. (well that's what i thought) hahaha. I want to post this video from youtube about a nursery rhymes that we all used to sing when we were kids. Here it goes. LOL

Earn while you blog

I heard about payperpost through my closed friend. She ask me if how would i like to earn money while blogging at the convenient of my time and at home. She invited me to join and sign up so we both could have earn extra money for school. She told me how great this site can offer extra income for students like us. It's too good to be true at first but when she explained everything to me, every detail, all the process and how the payment goes I was amazed and decided to sign up right away. I said to myself Opportunity knocks once so I won't miss this chance of a lifetime. I just joined payperpost a moment ago and got approved. I'm so excited to start and I'm having a great time now, blogging about the things i love. I realized that I could finally meet more friends and bloggers worldwide.

So why don't you guys join now and earn while you blog. Refer your friends now, learn about it and earn with no hassle of transportation and time.Don't deprive yourself of what you are capable of doing so start blogging now, we don't know what's gonna happen next , you might be the best blogger of all times. payperpost is where advertisers pay blogger to write something about them, so sign up now.





payperpost

belated happy mother's day

Ate joy, sorry if karon lang nako na post katong ako gi ingon nga akong gihimo. It's not that nice but the thought is there. hehe. I was so busy with school and wala gyud ko time maka online dayon and karon lang ko kabasa sa comment sa imung site. SOrry gyud..
dara ang pix sa ubos..sorry again.



Happy mother's day again to sa tanan mother, bahalag ulahi nako..way but anay.. ^_^
blurred ang pic kay supposed to be gif. format na xa..mag blink blink unta.. hayz..busy au ko..dko ka edit na..sorry te sorry gyud...huhuhu

Dare to care (with my previous batchmate)(Day 9 students of PPTS)

I was browsing on youtube to unwind myself from boredom when i accidentally saw this video which was very familiar to me. whoooa!!...IT was our Dare to care "feeding program" for the families of LAguarta Cebu. We had this feeding program way back last year and we named it "dare to care". We batch-9 / Day 9 (ASN-RN) Applied Science in Nursing student of Philippine Paramedical and Technical School Inc. Cebu Campus in coordination with our Psychology teacher Mrs. Faye Hyacinth Salcedo made this project possible. We had fund raising program concert @ Handuraw cafe Mabolo,Cebu City and the proceeds were used to help the people of LAGUARTA, Lahug Cebu City.

Here are the programs successfully implemented:

**We had a BP (blood pressure) taking

**We thought children how to properly brush there teeth's and the importance of it, and handwashing

**We feed the children who only ate's once or twice a day

**We provided/donated school supplies to a day care center.

**We had a youth orientation on resume writting seminar and job fair

**We provided rice, noodles and can goods to 500hundred families sponsored by: PROSPERO "BUTCH" PETCHAY...

and a lot more..you will be nestled away, it will surely touch your heart, so come on now and play the video. I was also touched when i saw this video again for the 2nd time since last year. I am so proud that i was part of the said program. And i do hope to see more capable people help the unfortunate families out there.





I hope you enjoyed the video and i hope this serve as inspiration to all of the readers , bloggers, youtubers, viewers, bisdakplanet members. ANd i hope this serves as a reminder that we are capable of helping those unfortunate people through our small ways and means, It doesn't have to be expensive,it doesn't have to be huge; what's important is the thought of helping them and by these actions those people won't lose hope to live there lives in a better way. In order for you to live your life, you will have to hope and that what were giving them "HOPE".


and don't deprive yourself of what you are capable of doing.

Can you name 10 people?

Name 10 people you can think of right
off the top of your head. Don't read
the questions underneath until you
write the names of all 10 people.

This
is a lot funnier if you actually
randomly list the names first.. No
cheating. Repost this with the same title
and tagged 6 of yours friends.

I'm Tagging my friends : tchel , joyoz , kaiterz, kaguvkov, baconjojo, carlota

1. beb
2. Djana
3. justine
4. jowem
5. Makoy
6. DK
7. Roy
8. Angeli
9. Alexander
10.Ulgei

DON'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS U FILLED UP THE
TOP!

1.How did you meet number 9?
- i met him on my trip back home from my summer vacation at ozamis city last year.

2. Do you have a crush on anyone up
there?
- yup, hahaha

3. What would you do if you hadn't met
number 1?

- i wouldn't be this happy today and the next day and the next , until i grow old. CHAR!!!

4. What would you do if 6 and 2 were
going out?

- nothing, they are FB's Friends with Benifits. LOL

5. How did you meet number 8?
- She's my classmate @ PPTS

6. Is 2 one of your best friends?
- yes and she's also my cousin dearie

7. Whose number 9's best friend(s)?
- Ronald

8. Have you ever dated number 1?
- yup ..as in..

9. Do you miss number 10?
- sometimes LOL

10.what do u think of number 6?
- his fil-jap.

11.what do you think of number 7?
- tall, smart, witty, handsome but careless

12. who does number 3 like?
- she's a good friend and also my closest classmate lately.

13. Have you ever been inside number
8's house?
- yup of course...

14. Do you love number 4?
- not anymore

15. Ever been in the same bed as any
of the numbers?
- yes!..

16. What about no. 5?
- yup, its a long story. His my friend by the way.

17. Do you trust these people?
- ahahaha next question... not all,coz i do they will surely hurt me once more.

18. would you date no. 5?
- friendly date, his taken and i'm taken....past is past

20. Love them all?
- yes of course, but not all of them love me back

Repost as:
Can YOU name 10 people

Nurse's goes Culinary

It is required for nursing student to calculate our clients/patient's BMI, BMR and whatever there is to be calculated to maintain its ultimate health and it's ideal weight. So careful diet and choice of food should be at first.

We had our cooking last friday May 9, 2008 and we had fun cooking together with my classmate. WE cooked and prepared everything according to what is tasked to us and according to what kcal(kilo calories) does our model classmate needs to eat per meal.Our class model is Mr. Julius Abarquez. And here are the pictures while we were striving hard to make everything perfect and as palatable as it is.

we cooked:

beef with broccoli
Tuna omelet with mashed potato on the side dish
chicken sausage fried with bacon around
and more..i forgot about my classmate viand.
I'll update you with that later.

TAG OF THE DAY

again...Thanks Twinks for the tag..

For the instructions, add your name on the list and simply spell out your name using the given Japanese letter- translations below. Tag six of your friends and inform them of the tag. Have fun.


friends to tag : nurse4ever, kaguvkov, kaiterz, dimarkitekt13, foodanddrink,labme

TRANSLATION:

A - ka ----- G - ji ----- M - rin ----- S - ari ----- Y - fu
B - tu ----- H - ri ----- N - to ------ T - chi ----- Z - zi
C - mi ----- I - ki ----- O - mo ------ U - do
D - te ----- J - zu ----- P - no ------ V - ru
E - ku ----- K - me ----- Q - ke ------ W - mei
F - lu ----- L - ta ----- R - shi ----- X - na


1. OSWALD - moarimeikatate (sounds like american and states har....har...har...)
2. JUNELLE - zudotokutataku (Thank God I’m a Filipino! sounds like sadako. nyay! hehehe)
3. JACQUELINE-zukamikedokutakitoku (Ayay!! Unsaman ni perti mang taasa..wa ko kasabot nyahahaha)
4. LIRALUZ-takishika taduzi ( sounds like a title of an anime show) it's cute!
5. JANA-ZukaToka (hastang ZUKAA! lol I can't help but laugh!)
6. PRINCESS-Noshikitomikuariari (LOL! Noshi balasi?)
7. ELLAINE- Kutatakakitoku (Hala! Nagkalisod ko ug litok ani! Naunsa!)
8. RITCHEL- Shikichimirikuta (Hala ka.kuruta daw oi!magkabuang pud ta litok ani..lol)
9. EIZEL = (Kukizikuta) waaaaaaa murag kamazutra ako wakakaka..this is xiaomai

challenge your self with this speedtest...have fun

i didn't have my glasses on with this..but i still got high score..what more if i was prepared to take the challenge..and take note guys first take take lang..no take two.

69 words

Speedtest

my name in chinese.......

I saw this translation tool bar for chinese names. And i wanted to have this toolbar on my blog so here it is; Have your's translated. The name i used in here is my second name which is "joy" so thats it above. this is free and cool. You can design it as a tattoo, a logo or whatever the hell you want to do with it.LOL...have fun guy's..

My Name In Chinese :

akong horoscope

VIRGO

August 23-September 22

Daily Overview: May 08, 2008

Someone needs your help organizing or getting materials ready for an upcoming presentation of some kind. You can really shine if you put your mind to it, so don't hesitate for a moment!

Tag² for 20 questions

Thanks twinks for d tag.

Here are the rules:

Remove one (1) question from below and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag eight (8) people in your list. List them out at the end of this post.

1. At what age do/did you wish to marry?

• 28 and still 5 or 6 years to go...do the math
  

2. What color do you like most?

• white, blank, pink , neongreen
  

3. Have you ever shoplifted?

• yeah!! when i was 3 years old i stole mentos on the counter but the security guard so me and then my yaya paid it for me. (no joke)
  

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?

• Disneyland coz everything is a fairy tale and everyone lives happily ever after.
  

5. Which part of you that you hate the most?

• whooaa there's a lot, my boooody, my voice coz im a very frustrated singer LOL anyhow about the attitude i hate being so trusty coz people tend to take advantage of me kay buotan ra kay ko.
  

6. When you encounter a sad moment, what would you do?

• depends on the situation
  

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?

• my family, friends, enemies, relatives without them i can't be who i am now.
  

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?

• I'm gonna put up a small restaurant or canteen so i can practice my habit (cooking) more and upgrade my family's invented viands.
  

9. What do you loved the most last year (2007)?

• i traveled alone to see someone in Mindanao. It was scary but it was romantic.
  

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you:

• Shes a friend, she pretty and i think she's fun to be with in person.hope to see you twinks
  

11. How do you cope with boredom?

• brainstorming, sound tripping, food tripping, surf d net and chixmaz over the fone
  

12. Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?

• there's a lot this page isn't enough for the regrets listed in my heart (OA)
  

13. Which type of person do you hate the most?

• Retards, Feeling superior, backstabber's, liars, social climber
  

14. What is your ambition?

• simple. To have my own family , with a stable job and a faithful husband, eat 3 times a day without worrying what to eat or where to stay the next day.
  

15. If you had one wish, what would you wish for?

• i wish that all my wishes and prayers will come true..
  

16. How did you celebrate New Year?

• i celebrated new year with my family.
  

17. It is already 2008, do you have a new year's resolution?

• it doesn't have to be new year for you to change something or improve something for yourself. i don't believe occasions happens that way. I have everyday resolution as i make mistake to my fellow people.
  

18. What do you look forward to in 2008?

• finish my course, of course hopefully
  

19. Are u a physical fighter or talker?

• i am a fighter , less d talk
  

20. Who is your inspiration in life?

• someone i used to know.
  

Asking 20 Questions to: kaiterz, tiborsho, baconjojo, kaguvkov, lyka, gaveo, gretchen,cheesecakepoi,

Street foods

tempura on the go...

sweet and spicy kwek kwek

I am so stressed out today , i had a very busy day doing my "RLE" Related Learning Experience compilation notes and exercises as well as studying for my missed exam. While my concerns sets in studying alone and doing decorating notes, i got hungry and i ate street foods like tempura ang kwek² hmmm..kalami nalang gyud.Needless to say, since I was trying to enjoy every bite of it, i then saw someone yelling across the street pertaining to the vendor that her son got food poisoned by the tempura he bought 10minutes back.He was vomiting a lot and take note his not even allergic to it.Darn i got scared and stopped right there and then, but before i stopped eating more of it , i already ate 10tempuras and 3 kwek² (ang baboy ko, gutom lang) so imagine how many bacteria, e-coli and whatever there is in the street food that i ate. After an hour untill this period on, i'm still running back and forth to the comfort room...whalllah diarrhea na toh..todo na toh...I’m doing okay though. Not great, but not too horrible, either. But i can't sleep i took a lot of meds already huhuhu..tabang lord..any suggestions mga moms and dads all over the world bisan mga nurse diha..tabangi intawn ko ninyo..

wapa gihapon ko natagam bow!!! lami man

S.H.I.T South Harmon Institute of Technology

S.H.I.T.
South Harmon Institute of Technology

Bartleby (B.) Gaines is a fun loving slacker who, unfortunately, gets turned down for every college he applied for, much to the chagrin of his overly expectant parents.
So, with a little cutting and pasting, he creates the South Harmon Institute of Technology, and lo and behold, he is accepted (along with his friends Rory, Hands, and Glen, whose college plans were also all but dashed).
However, his parents want to see the website, the campus, and the dean.
So now he has his other friend Sherman (who has been accepted to the prestigious Harmon College) build a web page, they lease out an abandoned psychiatric hospital, and they hire Sherman's uncle Ben to be the dean.
Problem solved?
Not quite.
The web page was done so well, that hundreds of students show up at the front door, all of which were turned down by other colleges.
Faced with no choice, Bartleby decides to proceed with turning South Harmon into a real college, and sets about figuring out what to teach and how to teach it.
Meanwhile at Harmon, dean Van Horne meets with Hoyt Ambrose, a rich law student and head of the KBE fraternity (which Sherman is trying to become a member of), to discuss building a gateway for Harmon using land presently being used by South Harmon.
He tries finding the leaseholder of the land, to no avail. Meanwhile, his girlfriend, Monica, catches him cheating on her, and a big party at South Harmon lures a chunk of Harmon's students away, including Monica into the arms of Bartleby.
Now Hoyt uses Sherman, knowing he has been bouncing between the two schools, in an attempt to bring South Harmon down for good.
However, Bartleby has an accreditation appointment with the state Board of Education to prove South Harmon's worthiness.
Can he legally bring the South Harmon Institute of Technology to life and win the love of Monica?

better watch this out, its so freakin cool. OA ra pagka describe da.i man watch it nalang its nice...okiks