Untold Pinoy Story No. 5

She was born on the day of hearts, February 14. But her parents did not name her Valentina. Not even Venus or Aphrodite. They opted for the holy-sounding Kristina Bernadette. But she did not turn out to be a saint.

Being the youngest, Kristina Bernadette captured the heart of her father. Father and daughter were inseparable. Until tragedy struck.

Kristina Bernadette's father was sent to prison. His heart ailment
grew worse there.

On February 14, 1974, Valentine's Day, Kristina Bernadette celebrated her third birthday with her father in prison. On the same day, a man was exchanging hearts with a southern belle in nearby San Juan church.

Nine years later, on August 21, the man who got married in San Juan church was celebrating his birthday with his basketball buddies. On the same day, Kristina Bernadette's father was killed.

Kristina Bernadette and the married man never knew each other. They lived very different lives. But in 1994, Kristina Bernadette and the married man met at work. Their first meeting blossomed into deep friendship. Some said that she longed for a father figure. But the friendship blossomed into romance which went beyond control. Kristina Bernadette used her heart, not her head. She decided to live with the married man.

Kristina Bernadette's mother was furious at the relationship. How
could Kristina Bernadette's mother like a man who celebrates his
birthday every year on the death anniversary of her murdered husband? But more than this was the fact that the man's heart already belonged to someone else. In fact, he has a grown-up daughter in New York who was nearly Kristina Bernadette's age. Despite her religious mother's efforts to put an end to Kristina Bernadette's adulterous affair with the man, Kristina Bernadette had her way. It didn't matter to Kristina Bernadette that her decision prevented her from receiving church communion because she was openly living in sin.

It did not take long before Kristina Bernadette gave birth to her
love child who was the spitting image of her live-in partner. But
Kristina Bernadette's son was born with Attention Deficit Hyper-
Activity Disorder. Her son's birth softened the heart of Kristina
Bernadette's mother who announced that Kristina Bernadette's son was her favorite grandson. When Kristina Bernadette first planned to have a liposuction, her mother tried to stop her, warning Kristina Bernadette that she (the mother) was too old to take care of Kristina Bernadette's son if something happened to her during her surgery. But as in the past, Kristina Bernadette had her way. She went on with her liposuction.

But Kristina Bernadette's relationship with her live-in partner was
not meant to last. In her Ateneo accent, Kristina Bernadette would always correct her live-in partner's grammatical lapses. Her live-in partner also got annoyed whenever Kristina Bernadette would hand him a stick of Milagrosa candle every time he used the bathroom.

According to Kristina Bernadette, the candle helped drive away the stinking smell of her live-in partner's crap. Kristina Bernadette
confessed that she learned this trick from her mother. And when
Kristina Bernadette's live-in partner stopped pursuing his petition
for the annulment of his first marriage in San Juan church, Kristina
Bernadette began to express doubt about her live-in partner's
sincerity in marrying her. Kristina Bernadette's heart was hurt.

Their relationship turned for the worse.

Kristina Bernadette finally realized that her live-in partner could
never be her savior. She decided to leave the father of her son and her live-in partner for many years: Philip Salvador.

Yes, Kristina Bernadette is the youngest daughter of President
Corazon (means heart in Spanish) Aquino and the late Senator Benigno Aquino, Jr.

And yes, Kristina Bernadette Cojuangco Aquino is the full name of
Kris Aquino.

And everyone knows the heart of her story.

joke time

Ang mga Bisaya di ko maintindihan English nila.
English ng isda... pis.
English ng mukha... pis.
Ng pandikit... pis.
Ng kapayapaan.. . pis.
Tinanong pa ako kung saan ako nakatira... Pis 1 o Pis 2?
Pisti!


(in a cabinet meeting ...)
GMA: oshige ... kung shino man ang tamaan ng bola na
'to ay siyang magre-reshign
(initsa ang bola, tumalbog pabalik sa kanya ...)
GMA: o ... praktish lang un noh? ulet!


Director: "Sir, we have to do something with our
population program. A woman gives birth every 30
seconds here in the Philippines . ..
Erap: "Ha?, you're right...FIND THAT WOMAN!!!"


Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang
syota? wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!


Mom: baby, you're good in math. Now I'm going to ask you
a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4
apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!!


BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema MO lang, problema NATIN
dahil nagmamahalan tayo.ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis NATIN si inday at TAYO ang ama


Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants
ng Ms. Universe
Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?
Pare2: pare, ako nanalo!!!


Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po
naniniwala ba?
Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang!


Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko
basag ang bungo!


Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH! !!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25
years po kasi ako driver ng funenaria


1 panget na babe, hinoholdap
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...


1 lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang
aso
Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!
Lasing: huwag ka nga sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!


In a pet shop...
Customer talking to a parrot...
Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!
Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? GAGO!!!


Priest: ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng
langit
Mga bakla: okey lang po father..dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag slide-slide! !!

Untold Story No. 4

At a tender age of 17, Marcial was a war correspondent for The Manila Times.. Marcial's war experience provided him with a treasure chest of stories which inspired him to write a movie screenplay. His screenplay was made into a movie, starring Jaime de la Rosa and a 16- year old actress named Dorothy.. Helmed by renowned director Lamberto Avellana, the movie was a huge success. During the first FAMAS award ceremony in 1952, Dorothy received the first FAMAS trophy for best supporting actress for her role in the movie.

The only child of a US soldier and a Filipina, Dorothy was also a
semi-finalist in the 1952 Miss Philippines beauty contest. It was
therefore not surprising that Marcial got so enamored with Dorothy that he did everything to court her. Marcial even carried Dorothy's make-up kit during movie shootings. Marcial became Dorothy's dakilang alalay.

Dorothy studied pre-Law at the University of Santo Tomas but her booming movie career made it impossible for her to continue.

Likewise, Marcial took up Law at the University of the Philippines
but the lure of journalism ended his dream of becoming a lawyer.

Marcial became known for his gift of gab and political skill. This
led to his victory as a town mayor at a young age of 22. Meanwhile, Dorothy became popular for her acting prowess and dancing skill. This led to her victory in several acting derbies. Marcial's younger sister was the director of the movie which won for Dorothy her last FAMAS best supporting actress award.

But while Philippine politics and show business naturally intertwine, political kingpin Marcial and movie queen Dorothy were not destined to be together.

Dorothy married a man named Victorino who fathered her only daughter.

But their union did not last. After a series of unsuccessful
relationships, Dorothy finally tied the knot again with an American B-movie actor-singer. In contrast, Marcial remained faithfully married all his life to an American-educated woman who bore his only son and four daughters.

But while Marcial survived the Korean War which he covered, he did not survive the war on the home front. Likewise, Dorothy did not survive her own war at home.

Both Marcial and Dorothy suffered violent deaths. Marcial was shot.

Dorothy was stabbed several times.

Committed 18 years apart, the separate murders of Marcial and Dorothy made headlines several years ago. However, both murders remained unsolved to this day. Some say that identifying their killers is not the issue because everyone, except the authorities, seems to know the identity of their respective killers. Rumors even abound that the masterminds in the murders of Marcial and Dorothy were related to them by affinity. But the real mystery lies in the fact that the perpetrators of these high-profile crimes remain scot-free to this day, despite the enormous clout which the victims' respective family wields.

Some say that Marcial's death was a result of his being branded a communist by the government. This is ironic because the screenplay which Marcial wrote and which won for Dorothy her first FAMAS trophy was the second in a trilogy of anti-communist movies which were produced by LVN Pictures in support of the government's efforts to fight communism.

Dorothy's shocking death led to embarrassing revelations about her painful personal battle. Marcial's equally shocking death led to well-deserved recognition of his heroic political battle.

Dorothy was killed amid rows of cars in the covered and dark parking lot of the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board(MTRCB) building. Despite his escorts, Marcial was killed amid rows of airplanes in a wide open space in broad daylight while descending down the tarmac of what was then known as the Manila International Airport (MIA).

Of course, we all know Dorothy as Dolphy's TV wife, Marsha.

And we all know Marcial as Cory's real-life husband, Ninoy.

Yes, Dorothy Jones was the real name of Nida Blanca.

And yes, Marcial Bonifacio was the fictitious name on the passport of Benigno Aquino, Jr. on the day that he was murdered.

And you know the rest of their stories.

*Untold Pinoy Story No. 3*

Her Mother's Joy

Her mother has always been proud of her. Mighty proud. And rightly so.

In the spring of 1991, Julia Roberts graced the cover of People
Magazine's special issue featuring its annual list of The 50 Most
Beautiful People in the World. Together with Julia Roberts in this
ultimate list of the most beautiful people were Brad Pitt, Tom
Cruise, Madonna, Mel Gibson, Whitney Houston, Michelle Pfeiffer,
Isabella Rossellini, supermodels Claudia Schiffer & Naomi Campbell
and oops, a Filipina?

Yes, People Magazine's 1991 list of The 50 Most Beautiful People in the World included a true-blooded Filipina who was born, raised and educated in the Philippines.

Unlike most beautiful Filipinas who were the products of mixed
marriages and who have therefore acquired foreign physical features, this Filipina was born to a Filipina mother and a Filipino father. It is no wonder that she does not typify a beautiful woman by any standard: She is short, standing only 5'2". She has a huge and deep acne scar on her forehead.. She has that distinct Asian nose (read: flat). She uses only Avon cosmetics (gasp!) and applies makeup by herself. During her pre-Inno Sotto days, her clothes were not made by known couturiers: They were lovingly
sewn at home by her mother who is a dressmaker. She does not even have the right genes to inherit beauty from: Her mother was plain, even stern-looking. Her father was a dark-skinned guy with the tough facial features of a hardened military man.

Although both the first names of her mother and father means happy in two different languages, their union was not as joyous. Her mother and father were never married, making her and her only brother illegitimate children.

In the mistress hierarchy, her mother was not even her father's
second woman. Her father had a first mistress who ranked above her mother.

She and her brother only belong to their father's third family. And yes, the gay club performer who once appeared on national television was indeed her half-brother. She couldn't therefore be faulted for not talking about her father. In contrast, too much has been known about her mother. Her mother was always visible, too visible for comfort.

Her mother gave her the name Carmen and raised her in a province north of Manila. However, when it was time for her to go to school, her overprotective mother brought her and her brother to Manila to give them the best education. Carmen studied in Preciosa Soliven's Operation Brotherhood Montessori in Greenhills where she emerged as the school's valedictorian. However, Carmen's academic rival protested the school's decision to award Carmen the school's highest honors, claiming that she had better grades than Carmen. Carmen's rival even revealed that the school's owner, Mrs. Soliven, was only fond of Carmen because she always performed in school programs which gave Carmen an edge in extra-curricular activities. But academically, Carmen reportedly did not really rise above her rival.

Lured into show business, Carmen became part of German Moreno's inane daily afternoon TV show, That's Entertainment, where she got paired with comedian and now Quezon City Vice Mayor Herbert "Bistek" Bautista. (Some say that Vice Mayor Bautista was so enamored with Carmen that he later refused to marry his partner despite their having a child.) As one of the countless stars of Kuya Germ's That's Entertainment, Carmen's talent was overshadowed by the ridiculous mass appeal of the triumvirate of Sheryl Cruz, Manilyn Reynes and Tina Paner.

Later, Carmen made a couple of forgettable films which were big flops. Unsuccessful in local show business, Carmen enrolled as a BS Biology student in Ateneo de Manila, hoping to become a doctor. However, the lure of fame and fortune shattered her medical ambition. She followed her other dream and landed in a |Dreamland! Yes, instead of comforting innocent and fresh-smelling babies in a hospital, she ended up entertaining horny, sweaty and foul-smelling drunken men in seedy bars.

When Carmen was a little girl, a local manghuhula predicted that she would be crowned Miss Universe. Her mother, legally known as Miss Imutan, was ecstatic upon hearing this. Sadly, the prophecy did not come true.

However, when Carmen was 18 years old, she bagged a beauty title. But it was farfetched from a Miss Universe crown. Carmen became Miss Saigon.

Yes, the only true-blooded Filipina who was included in People
Magazine's The 50 Most Beautiful People in the World in 1991 is
Feliciano Salonga and Ligaya "Joy" Imutan's only daughter: Carmen Lea Imutan Salonga.

Most of us know her simply as Lea Salonga.

*Untold Pinoy Story No.2*

It Could Happen Only in the Movies

These two women move in different circles but they seem to lead
parallel lives.

Barbara C. Gonzales is the great-granddaughter of national hero, Dr. Jose Rizal. Her great-grandmother is Dr. Jose Rizal's elder sister, Maria, a liberated woman who was separated from her husband Daniel. Barbara is more popularly known by her nickname, Tweetums. She once appeared in a Del Monte tomato sauce TV commercial featuring three generations of women in the kitchen.. Yes, that was Tweetums with her daughter, Panjee, and Tweetum's mother whom they fondly called Mamu. Tweetums
was married to Ramon Tapales, a successful businessman.
Their daughter, Panjee Tapales ( a.k.a. singer Panjee Gonzales), was co-host of ABS-CBN's daily morning show, Alas Singko Y Media (now Magandang Umaga Pilipinas) and its defunct Sunday morning game show with Roderick Paulate and Eric Quizon. Panjee soon became the second wife of ABS-CBN chairman, Gabby Lopez. (But that's another story.) Tweetums writes about art and culture in her column for the Philippine Star.

She has published a couple of books consisting of collections of her essays from her newspaper column. She remains a highly-respected media personality, being the president of a major advertising company.

Socorro Alicia R. Quirino is the granddaughter of former president
Elpidio Quirino. More popularly known by her nickname, Cory, she
hosts a lifestyle show on TV. Her kidnapping ordeal a few years ago was made into a movie entitled, The Cory Quirino Kidnap, which was directed by massacre king Carlo J. Caparas. Cory was married to Roman Cruz, Jr. who was the president of Philippine Airlines and head of Government Service Insurance System (GSIS). Cory writes a regular column on fitness and health for the Philippine Daily Inquirer. She also published a series of health, beauty and inspirational books. She remains a highly visible media personality with her radio and TV programs.

While Tweetums and Cory were both successful in their respective careers, their personal lives were not as rosy. Tweetums Gonzales and her husband, Ramon Tapales, eventually decided to lead separate lives. Likewise, Cory Quirino and her husband, Roman Cruz, Jr., soon parted ways.

Indeed, Tweetums and Cory seem to lead parallel lives.

Then, in a strange twist of fate, the unthinkable happened. . While geometry teaches us that parallel lines can never intersect, the parallel lives of Tweetums and Cory did intersect.

Tweetums Gonzales got married to Cory's former husband, Roman Cruz, Jr. Meanwhile, Cory Quirino got married to Tweetum's former husband, Ramon Tapales..

Just like in the movies.

And you know the rest of their story.