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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Joke of the day

'dear te, dear te, dear te!!!'
-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at
Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang
naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.
=========
<>MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and
ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you're pretty
ugly.
= ========
TEACHER: okay class our lesson for
today is science. What is science?
PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!
TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?
PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.
=========<>AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no
circumstance this house would relent to
such unabashed display of vagrant
destituti on!
PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a
mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED !!! .hehehe
=========
BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am.
Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili
mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso
macchiat o sa starbucks!
====== ===
DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.
==========
TRIVIA: do you know how they make
rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted
latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?
======== ==
Why God invented menopause:
Once upon a time, a 70 year old woman
gave birth.
BISITA: pwedeng makita ang baby mo?
MOM: mamaya na.
30 minutes after.
BISITA: pwede na bang makita?
MOM: oo, pero hintay muna tayo na
umiyak kasi nakalimutan ko kung saan ko
linagay.
== =========
in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy
today even though we are under economic
crisis?<>BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!
===========
Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PA RI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY : father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: 'tang ina! Di nga?
===========<>TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa
chicken.
BO Y: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!
===========<>when your lips are silent and your eyes are closed and your ears are deaf. It only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep. Disabled ka 'tol, disabled!
======= ====
The Philippine presidents flying in a
plane.
GMA: what if I throw a check for a
million pesos out the window to make at
least 1 Filipino happy?
CORY: but my dear, why don't you throw
2 checks for half a million each and
thus make 2 Filipinos happy?
RAMOS: why not throw four checks for a
quarter of a million each and make four
Filipinos happy?
And on it went until finally, Erap
blurts out:
"but madam president, why not simply
throw yourself out of the window and
make all the Filipinos happy?"
========= ===
a great example of globalization:
pr incess Diana, a Welsh princess with
an Egyptian fiancé, crashed in a French
tunnel while riding in a German car
with a Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was drunk on Scottish
whisky, chased by Italian paparazzis on
Japanese big bikes. An American doctor
tried to save them using Brazilian
meds. This message was made by a
Filipino on a Finnish Nokia phone
smuggled from China by a Pakistani
based in Quiapo.
========= ===
1. Trulalu.
2. eklavu
3. eklavu.
4. trulalu
5. eklavu
6. trulalu
7. trulalu.
8. eklavu
9. trulalu
10. trulalu
-batang bading nagsasagot ng true or
false na quiz.
=========== = =
MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno
ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang
inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!
============ =