Meet your love and earn at the same time

Feeds RSS
Feeds RSS

Friday, May 14, 2010

I always unintentionally push people away

Just this night i was streaming a movie online and focused watching "the back up plan".

Okey a short synopsis for the movie for a heads up

The Back-up Plan is a comedy that explores dating, love, marriage and family in reverse.

After years of dating, Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) has decided waiting for the right one is taking too long. Determined to become a mother, she commits to a plan, makes an appointment and decides to go it alone. That same day, Zoe meets Stan (Alex OLoughlin) a man with real possibilities.

Trying to nurture a budding relationship and hide the early signs of pregnancy becomes a comedy of errors for Zoe and creates confusing signals for Stan. When Zoe nervously reveals the reason for her unpredictable behavior, Stan commits fully and says hes in. Never before has love seen a courtship where a wild night of sex involves three in a bed Stan, Zoe and the ever-present massive pregnancy pillow. Or, where date night consists of being the focal point at a near-strangers water birth which does for kiddie pools what Jaws did for swimming in the ocean. The real pregnancy test comes when both of them realize that they really dont know each other outside of hormonal chaos and birth preparations. With the nine month clock ticking, both begin to experience cold feet. Anyone can fall in love, get married and have a baby but doing it backwards in hyper-drive could be proof positive that they were made for each other.

Zoe's a woman who has a hard time letting anyone into her life. She has a habit of pushing people away when they get close. She also wants to have a baby but because she has no man in her life decides to be artificially inseminated. Shortly after having the procedure she meets a guy named Stan whom she connects with. But she's still afraid to let him in and when she tells him about her pregnancy thinking he would bail but he sticks with her. Written by

SO back to my open diary. Well i have been watching it while streaming thanks to my fast internet connection that i was able to watch it smoothly. I learned a lot from the movie and it struck me, it stuck me big time reflecting myself to that movie. Jennifer Lopez in the movie is the type of person who is afraid to let the people in and pushes her love ones away, has trust issues and so do i. Boy it hit me hard. It was really like me. Om em gee i can't believe it. I am so paranoid right now trying to write this because i felt like that movie was made for me.

Seriously why do i push people away? Is it about the past? The people who curse? Who hurt? Who betrayed? Me.

I realized that i unintentionally been very negative for the past years. I was bitter to myself, crap im crying, but for real i was so bitter on myself, how did i live the past 5 years of my life? I will be 25 this year and i wan't to bail. I want out, out of this misery and out of this negativism. I will try to trust people amidst the risk of getting hurt back. I will let them prove themselves and let them in. yes i will do this because I am in-love with a guy whom i don't want to lose anymore. I am afraid to be alone, I want a family, I want children at most.

IT will be rough and people for sure will hate me but i don't care anymore

I want to be happy , i want my last 5 years back spending it with the guy i am in-love with

for more 5 years and decades to come. I am considering of changing my outlook in life to a better one. I want to be optimistic this time. I want to bare , i want to be nude. I want to be blunt. Oh i guess i will. wish me luck!!

Here some tips i saw online to improve myself to the rest out there seeking answers why and how they became pessimistic about life.

1. Seriously learn to love yourself. Write out the crazy things you love, hate, feel annoyed by and be honest about the things you do that others love, hate and get annoyed by! Once you figure those things out stop doing the annoying shit.

2. When someone says they like, love, respect, enjoy you...accept it! If you act like you don't deserve praise and love over and over people will take you seriously and leave. No one wants to invest time in a self-loather. You deserve love and good people deserve to be in your glorious presence! Let them in and believe the compliments they offer dumb-ass.

3. Stop waiting for people to disappoint you. Accept that some people will hurt you but also… many will not, that is life but if you let fear keep you from trying to see the good in people then you will miss out on some real gems!

4. Stop the "negative-brain dialogue" about how nothing good will happen and how all people are the same. If you tell yourself that only losers will like you then it is the losers that will come your way! They can hear your negative thoughts and will descend upon you like thirsty vampires. STOP IT NOW because being with a soul-sucker is no fun!

5. Act attractive and you will attract positive damn you!