little bout me..

1. Spell your name backwards.

* iamoaix

2. Pretend you've had 15 beers.

Describe what you would be doing right

now?

*snoring

3. Where are you right now?

* in the living room

4. What is the closest object to you?

* the keyboard

5. Do you talk to yourself?

* yesh of curz

6. Do you drink milk straight from the carton?

* no

7. Who knows a secret about you?

* i dont have secret's im very bold

8. How long is your hair?

* i had it cut very short

9. How much money do have on your wallet now?

* i don't have a wallet

10. Describe what you are wearing.

* shorts and t-shirt

11. Do you like anyone now?

* kinda

12. When was the last time you lied?

* everyday

13. When was the last time you cried?

* yesterday

14. Is your birthday on a holiday?

* nope

15. What do you spend most of your money on?

* food and party

16. Last thing you cooked today?

* omelet

20. Why is the sky blue?

* i dunno

21. What do you do when you first wake up?

* see who txt me on my phone

22. Where is your cell phone?

* upstairs

23. Have any regrets?

* yeah

24. Do you use an alarm clock?

* sumtyms

25. What is your cellphone network?

* sun and globe

26. Single?

* double

27. You have load?

* yeah

28. When do you give your cell number to someone?

* when i have to

29. What do you feel when someone asked you your number?

* nothing

30. Have you tried asking someone their number?

* yes a lot of times

whallah horoscope of d day..

I am ViRgO

The Bottom Line

You're a great peacemaker, and your leadership skills are valued by everyone now.

In Detail

People in your world today will have a tough time agreeing on the right way to go about doing things, and will be looking to you for a solution. If you listen to all of their differing ideas with an open mind, you will be able to pull out a suggestion or two that will make everyone happy. You're the great peacemaker right now, and your leadership skills are valued by everyone. Is it time to take on a more formal leadership role? The universe definitely thinks so.

Joke of the day

Sensitive Beer

---

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow!"

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.

Sex Therapy - Florida Style

---

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!

Last delivery

---

It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'"

"Breakfast was my idea."

funny stuff for the day

Life

---

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house, drool, and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year lifespan."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch, drool, and bark at everyone.


Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Relationships

---

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.

That night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stiletto's and mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend: The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cm stilettos and mask. He saw me he said: "you are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we made love all night long."

The mistress: Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he did not say anything.....but we made wild passionate love all night.

The married one: The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes....my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says: "Hi Batman, what's for dinner?"

Personality Definitions:

Personality Definitions:
Probable In-built Characteristic


OUTGOING PERSONALITY..... Always going out of the office

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS...... Able to bullshit

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS..... Spends lots of time on phone

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE .....Not too bright

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED..... Made no major blunders yet

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY..... Too ugly to get a date

ACTIVE SOCIALLY..... Drinks a lot

FAMILY IS ALSO ACTIVE SOCIALLY..... Spouse drinks, too

INDEPENDENT WORKER..... Nobody knows what he/she does

QUICK THINKING...... Offers plausible excuses

CAREFUL THINKER...... Won't make a decision

AGGRESSIVE ......Obnoxious

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS...... Gets someone else to do it

EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL ......Speaks English

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL ......A nit picker

HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES ......Is tall or has a loud voice

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT ......Lucky one

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR ......Knows a lot of dirty jokes

CAREER MINDED .....Must be Back Stabber

..............................................................................
LOYAL .....Can't get a job anywhere else